Coming full circle...
Updated: May 4, 2022
The last 6 months or more have been a time of deep reflection and meditation for me as I navigate the world as it "appears" in the midst of the Great Awakening. I have required a tremendous amount of solitude and silence to be able to process all that's coming in and needing to be cleared out.
In keeping with this theme, I was guided to go through all family photos and keepsake boxes to create photo albums for my adult kids and to get rid of things that just weigh me down. As I was going through one box, I came across a red plastic binder of letters that my mother had written to her best friend, Cheryl, along with letters she sent to my mother. This was the time period that my mother was channeling a "fictional" story about aliens, government cover-ups, and more and they were exchanging ideas and excerpts of chapters. What I was most taken by was my mother's deep vulnerability that she shared with her friend. I was but a teenager at the time and didn't have a clue to the depth of her despair. Then it hit me... these letters were written when she was the same age I am today! That's no accident!
I gathered up all the letters and made copies and sent all the originals to her friend, per my mother's "request". I wrote this letter to Cheryl in response to the content of the letters and associated notes about the channeled book. I had no intention of ever sharing this letter with anyone other than Cheryl, but after finding it again today in my files and being directed to re-read it, I have been asked to share it with the world. It is the story of one of the most magical and mystical experiences of my life and there are only a few who have been told...until now.
I was going through some old boxes to thin out my “time capsules” and came across a binder that my mom had kept with letters to you and from you, along with memos from work, etc. I don’t think I’ve ever read any of them and was amused, saddened and reminded me of so much.
It’s interesting how life is a spiral and not a linear line. I mean, I know this intellectually and spiritually, but going through all these old letters, feeling the pain that my mother felt, the despondency and depression related to her lot in life caused me to have to look back at my own life. I’ve been doing a lot of that lately, probably in an attempt to release all my baggage so I can go through the eye of the needle and ascend. Yes, that is exactly why I was nudged to go through all of my old “stuff”. It initially started because I realize that my children don’t care about anything from my past; they won’t want any of it. They won’t care about reading my old diaries or my high school escapades. So, I’ve had to release the majority of them. Also going through old family pictures to create photo albums so they will at least know their history. It has brought so much to the surface that I had either forgotten about or wanted to forget. I look back and I don’t even like the person I was as a teenager, yet I really feel for her because she felt worthless, not good enough and had no standards. I’m ashamed of her, yet I understand what drove her actions. It’s such a strange place to be – held in limbo between the memories of the past person and the current one. Must be what it’s like to look down/back after we transition and do the life review. Not fun that’s for damn sure.
I wish I had known my mother as an adult. I’m grateful to have found and read these letters to you because it gave me an insight to her that I never had as her daughter. I knew she was miserable at her job but as a teenager, you are only really interested in your life experiences, as she so eloquently noted in one of her letters to you. I’m near the age that she was when she was writing these letters to you. Can you believe that? I can see myself having conversations with my best friend, Shannan, about some of the same things. Funny how the life of a wife and mother is universal?
What struck me the most was her comments to you about her higher self, guides and the “aliens”. I have never been able to tell you the story about all that happened at Mt. Shasta and it’s especially relevant now after finding these letters. There’s so much to tell but this particular event is related to the above: One of the presenters was a man named Prageet Harris, who presented about the Star Gate. Physically, it’s a huge copper “dome pyramid” that houses a higher level consciousness (very simplified) that acts as a doorway to higher dimensions. I went to his home in Mt. Shasta where the 12 foot Star Gate is in his living room. They lead a group mediation where we would be introduced to the Ascended Masters, Star Families, etc. You can imagine just how wonderful that all sounded. Long story short, when they called forth the different Masters and Star beings, we could feel the differences of their signature energy fields. It was fascinating!!!!! St. Germaine was the most resonate with me and has since become one of my guides. I feel him always and when I have past life/Quantum healing hypnosis, I travel in a violet light pod. I see the same light in my third eye in mediation. It’s wonderful. But the most miraculous thing that happened was when they requested that we be shown our own star family. A group of beings came forth (in my inner vision) and I began to cry. Then the essence of my mother stepped forward and was one of them. I was blown away. I could barely keep my composure. She made it! She was with her/our star family, her/our soul tribe. She was letting me know that not only was she not crazy for everything that she was interested in while alive, neither was I because that is truly who we are. I felt like time stood still and that I could never come back down to Earth and exist among the “muggles” after all of this. It was late, dark and I had driven a person to the event that I would have to drive back and I was told to have someone else take him to his camp. It was repeated, forcefully over and over again until I had no choice but to take action. I asked another friend I had met there if they could take him back and they said of course. I had this knowing that something was going to happen on my way back to my hotel and felt such anticipation. I had programmed my GPS to take me back to my hotel and I had lost signal and had no idea if I was going the right way. I found myself on back roads with trees on both side of the road, so I couldn’t see anything. The roads were windy and I was absolutely terrified that I would be lost or worse go off the road and no one would find me. I also had the feeling that I should be looking up in the sky to see if UFO’s were around. I would look up and then have to look back at the road so I didn’t’ kill myself. I kept repeating “I am safe, I am loved, I am protected”. At one point, I got a clear view of the night sky and just at the level of the top of my windshield, I caught a glimpse of a really bright white light. I asked “Is that you?” and I immediately felt a huge warm beam of energy hit me in the center of my chest. It took my breath away. I was giddy and made it back to civilization to my hotel. I was vibrating and just lied in bed and asked that they stay with me. I felt a multitude of beings in my room all night and could barely sleep.
On the last day of my time there, after the conference was over, I decided I would sleep in and then head back to Shasta to visit the most amazing metaphysical store and shop, eat lunch and just enjoy the energies there. I got in my car at exactly 11:11 and laughed out loud. My hotel was just off a highway exit all by itself with nothing else around. I left the parking lot and drove down the slope to hit the interstate and noticed there was a woman sitting on a sand bag by herself on the side of the road. She was dressed in all pink, in a skirt that was patchwork, very hippy. I drove up to her and rolled my window down without hesitation and asked if she needed a ride somewhere. I was flying so high I didn’t even question it. She had a slight British accent and said she was needing to get into Shasta. I said “I’m heading that way right now! Jump in.” I literally felt no concern! She got in, we exchanged pleasantries and I asked her name. She said “They call me Love”. You could have knocked me over with a feather. The drive was only 15 minutes, but it felt like time stood still AGAIN and as I look back, I can only remember pieces of the conversation. I asked how she ended up on the side of the road. She said she had been visiting a friend. She had no phone, no money. Only a small patchwork purse with a small spiral notebook that she pulled out that she had written poems in. She said that God had given her a poem last night that she was being told was a message for me. I can’t remember the content but it was a direct answer to a question I had asked the previous night. I was floored! I asked about her life and she told me that she had lived in London, had a son, had reached a point where she was questioning life and her place in it and was guided to give everything up and became a nomad. When we were getting closer to town, I asked her if she would be interested in having lunch together because I wasn’t ready to end my time with her. She agreed and said there was a nice coffee shop next to the metaphysical store. We walked through town and she was greeted by several different people who said they were so happy to see her again. They embraced and I was so happy to know that other people could see her because I was convinced that this was all a hallucination! We ordered some light food and tea and sat down together. Again, I was in a cloud and all I can remember is her drawing triangles, connecting dots, describing things about how the Universe works. No matter how hard I try, I can’t recall details. At the end of the conversation, she asked me if I had ever been told what my Mayan Astrology Sign was. I had no idea! She said “we need to find out” and that the store next door should have what we need. We went in and she asked an employee if they had a specific book but all they had was a Mayan Calendar “Calendar” and she looked at it, said it would work, asked me my birthday and then told me to come back in 10 minutes and she would have an answer for me. I was flying high, feeling like I was about to get direct insight from the Universe. I came back and she showed me what my signs were in the Mayan Calendar and told me that I was an “Activator” and that I was a “Quantum Life Coach” – she said “but you already know that.” Did I? Again, the rest was a blur. I knew our time was short and I asked if we could take a picture together. She agreed. Here she is:
I had already made plans to meet with a new friend who lived in Shasta at her house for tea. I was so excited to tell her all about this and show her the picture. She was familiar with most everyone in town and when I told her that she was all in pink, she figured she was with the “I AM” movement locally. They have a calendar of colors that they are to wear throughout the month so that must be it. Once I showed her the picture, she shook her head and said “NO, she’s not a “I AM’er”. She said she is a Lemurian from Telos. I just sobbed!!!!! I had asked, while on the mountain, to meet a Telosian face to face and my journey would be complete. And here is my new friend, a local, telling me that I had. Fast forward to reading blog posts of people who have claimed to have been taken/allowed to enter Telos on the mountain and they all say that the people have a faint British accent.
There is SOOOOO much that happened on that trip that up-leveled me. And I have to thank YOU for instigating it all.
I currently feel like I’m in the tumble cycle of the washer, going round and round. Or that game where you put your forehead on the bat and turn in circles. I had fairly definitive ideas as to where my life was going, what my path was and here I am, spinning in circles, revisiting the past, feeling inadequate. I feel like I am wasting my time and breath on this planet because no one wants to wake up. This past year has made that perfectly clear. But we’re stuck here (until we’re not) and I hear the echoes of the words my mother said in her letter to you about wanting to die and get off the planet. I so completely feel those words coursing through my veins. But I realize that those feelings manifested her cancer. She got her wish. I’m not sure I want to revisit that experience on my children, grandchild or husband. I have seen the possibilities of my future and I really want to catch up with it. Maybe that’s what this is all about. Seeing the fork in the road through the lens of someone else’s life experience. We can’t change the past. We can only move forward and make the best decisions with what we are today, in this now moment.
I just asked Mom if she had a message for you and what I saw/heard was her anxiously awaiting our return HOME, excited for our next adventures!!! She’s jumping up and down, rubbing her “hands” together.
I am so very grateful to have you in my life!
All my love,